one day at a time

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!”

The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.”

you have to laugh to stop from crying ;-)

coming to grips

with nothing else to do, I decided to attend our team newbies' treat at GB3. anticipating the friday-after-5 traffic, i left home early, thinking i could use the wait time to look for a new book or shirt. i tucked jostein's the orange girl and my ipod in my trusty messenger and went off.

sure enough, the cab ride was a breeze. having lots of time to spare, i decided to cool down at starbucks and probably finish the book. 6750 branch was full. walked a little further and found that the G4 lower ground branch was full as well. last chance, cinema level.

shoot. it seemed that every table was occupied but i decided to try my luck and buy a drink already. worst case, i'll just wait for someone to leave.

i paid for the drink and got it from the counter. still not an empty table in sight. so i walked to the hidden nook behind the counter and found it empty. lucky lucky lucky. i settled down, brought out the book and hooked up my earphones. and suddenly i freaked out. the sad-chill-down-my-spine type.

this is the exact same spot where we had our first coffee. everything's the same except for a few things. it was night then, and you were sitting in front of me. i was reading another book that time, and we were listening to my ipod. i had the same drink then. i always have the same drink. i think you had raspberry frappe.

that was exactly three months ago.

now, whenever my closest friends would see me, they'd tell me to give you up altogether. if possible, erase you from my memories. they don't understand how difficult saying i'll do it is, from actually doing it.

i just want to wake up one day and find that you don't matter to me anymore.

unrequited, yet again

i first met TM last march through a friend. TM's not the real name, but rather a nick i came up with. not expecting anything, we decided to meet up, have dinner (i even remember the song that the performers sang that night at Red Crab, it was half-crazy) and watch 300 together. i know, it's a weird first movie date, but it was ok. great in fact, because TM kept leaning on me during the film.

although we've been texting even before that, that first date was where it all started. it soon became a habit -- aside from the sms and calls, we regularly ate out, saw new movies, roamed around, talked over coffee. i didn't even mind staying out late which i don't normally do, even if it is just to do mundane things - like reading car magazines in the book shop or just looking at on-sale tech items.

we first held hands on my birthday. on the way home in the cab, i took TM's arm to look at the watch. "guess, watch?", i asked. then i clasped TM's hand onto mine.

three months later, and it's sort of over.
kind of over.

ok, i think it's over and i seriously don't know what happened.

TM and i have had misunderstandings before but we've managed to sort it out. however in the past three weeks, something in TM changed. if my intuition serves me right, there's someone else. if you catch someone in a lie not only once but several times, you'd know what i mean. the dates, calls, and messages no longer came, and if they did, they were rather detached and platonic as can be.

then again, how can something that was never official even end?

whenever i brought up the topic of making it official even in the silliest possible way, TM always appeared like i'm handing down a grave verdict. i found it weird but i dismissed it. there are some people who doesn't like the pressure of a commitment. looking back, i should have listened to such kinds of warning signals.

and now i am coping with a broken heart again.

maybe i expected more from TM. maybe i assumed too soon that this was the one which would last. i even thought that this is the one love that i'm willing to move mountains for. yup it is that bad.

fact is, you really can't choose whom you'll fall in love with. it just happens. you feel it and you give yourself a chance to see if it works; that the person you fell in love with will love you back. which isn't true most of the time.

the heart is a muscle and you'd think several times of getting hurt would train it to feel nothing, yet the pain is the same as before.