catharsis.

it could have been any ordinary evening, but fate decided to grant me the pleasure of seeing you in the flesh.

and you were just any ordinary flesh either, you're an example of why people, including myself, believe in God. eyes, nose, ears, torso, limbs, all in perfect combination. the smile isn't bad either--the first faint one washed all the stresses of my day in an instant.

the night was full of contradictions: our conversation was light, unlike the food we ordered. i'm a coffee-lover, and you're not. i could go on but it would only further prove the point that i so badly want to be proven. opposites attract? i don't know. i hope.

i know that you're rightly classified as OOCL (out of chas' league) in my book, but i took a chance. who knows, my brand of humor isn't bad at all, and though i almost popped a vein trying to grasp your outrageously sexy fluency, i seriously got myself to talk straight English for more than 2 hours.

the night had to end and i offered to drop you off. no, it's not a force of habit that i do on all my dates. i was buying time so i could catch a waft of your scent, or perhaps take an SLR-ish mental picture of your eyes when you smile. did i want to kiss you in the car? yes, but i didn't because i didn't want to assume. i couldn't hold back so i took your hand on the last minute and it felt right even for just that brief moment.

i didn't look back when you got out of the car. the texts or the lack of them almost confirm what i've feared: a memory of a dream might be the only thing to which im holding on.

hatin'

...this feeling.:{

emo.

i've been in this pensive mood for several days now but I can't really pinpoint when it started and what triggered it.

most of the time - i feel like i'm about to drown in all of this.
i cling on to anything that could keep me afloat.

one thing that keeps me going is knowing that there's Someone up there who knows my struggle.

i'm holding on.

on my way

hand on the wheel,
eyes on the road,
i take the quiet drive home;
brake lights reflect
like fire on my eyes
and drown in my thoughts:
80 on the gauge
1:30 on the clock
3 unread messages on my phone;
the pavement groans
as i go along,
life is one long trip
passing me by
it's a blessing and a curse,
this,
being alone.

an email from above

Chas,

This is God.

Today I will be handling ALL of your problems for you.

I do NOT need your help.

So, have a nice day.

I love you.

P.S.

And, remember...

If life happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle, do NOT attempt to resolve it yourself!

Kindly put it in the “SFGTD” (something for God to do) box. I will get to it in MY TIME.

All situations will be resolved, but in My time, not yours. Once the matter is placed into the box, do not hold onto it by worrying about it. Instead, focus on all the wonderful things that are present in your life now.

keeping mum

Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods.

~ Albert Einstein