how's my work today?

     
punch
   kick 
      blood gushes
         punch some more


    God, i need the strength            
    
    to
    stand
    although
    it
    hurts.

icky love

geez what can i say? it feels like i'm back to when i was 16.

blushing.
butterflies inside.
staying up late.

and i'm smiling...uncontrollably

---

Love has reason
There's a meaning to the world
We're giving love
-Gavin Degraw

image from www.fleeingnewyork.com

warmth

midnight came without warning
as the season and i found ourselves
under a mistletoe

a faint kiss on my lips
stirred my sleeping soul
a thought rippling through the night

it's christmas after all.

cheesy @ christmas

the early morning cold that lasts all day

the kaleidoscope of colors that light up the streets at night (including the million tail-lights)

the never-ending medley of songs

if you haven't figured it out yet - christmas is here. while most of my friends have already written entries about THE season, i, on the other hand, could not put my thoughts into words. maybe because although happiness is floating in the air, it doesn't really get to me that much.

ebenezer. grinch.

probably it is because somehow it started to seem repetitive to you. people choose to become nice, to give, to smile, to forgive - only during christmas, and choose apathy the rest of the year. or perhaps it is because you grow old and aside from realizing that santa could not possibly give gifts to all the children in one night (so your mom and dad decided to help him out that fateful night), you learn that all the wonder you see and feel during the holidays but half-mask the sad living conditions of other people.

i do miss the child i once was. yet, being able to see beyond the air, the colors, the smells, the sounds -- the things that scream christmas! is something i don't regret learning. because then, i know that more than the heightened sensory pleasure that we associate with christmas, it also reminds us to do something to change what needs changing in this world.

told you i was not joking when i wrote 'world peace' and 'an end to famine' on my wishlist.

too short

Life is too short

for theatrics,
for face time,
for jumping through hoops,
for excuses,
for blaming,
for trying too hard to please others,
or for chasing society’s illusion of distant riches or fame.

-a dose of zaadz wisdom.

leavetaking

a wise man once said that we all have a terminal disease, and it is called life. morbid, yes, but true.

you see, my grandfather died yesterday and brought this thought into sharp focus.

the inevitability of death is something that many of us haven't quite grasped yet. in fact, we are running away from it. today, there is a manic pursuit for immortality, often cloaked behind such terms as fitness, wonder diets, or beauty. this is not to say that it is wrong to wish for and work towards a long and healthy life, but shouldn't we also prepare for death?

prepare for death? probably not entirely your idea of planning - yes it might involve certain things like for example, the color of your coffin, to burn or not to burn, your epitaph, who are allowed to give you eulogies (such attention to detail!), and so on, but those are things you can write down anytime. meanwhile, we should realize that we are given ample time to really prepare for death - so long in fact that we call it a lifetime. four words: do something; do anything.

lolo may have not earned a degree but he lived a full life. i would always remember how he would always go up at three in the morning to start tending his farm and go home at dusk, tired but happy, to take a well-deserved shot of wine and talk to us in mixed Ilocano, Filipino and English.

i'm just saying, maybe we are pursuing the wrong thing, that we have a twisted idea of immortality. aesthetics and physical strength will eventually fade away; we're essentially just carbon-based beings and you need only look at how stars become blackholes to know that there is an end to this existence.

a lifetime - that is all we're given to do something. because there are no small actions or small lives for that matter - all stories are part of a big one; all stories are one. this is the immortality we talk about, but not seek. when we live to our highest potential - immortality shall ensue, and death shall not be an end, but a consummation.

My dear nephew,

Four years ago, you came into this world. It has been both an exhilarating and crazy ride for us all, having you as a constant source of joy and confusion at home.

On this special day, I wish I could pray for you a good life, but I won't. I want you to grow - and it would mean that you experience both the good and not-so-good things. As much as I would want to teach you to always be safe, it would not be fair. You need to make mistakes, sometimes to learn from them, or simply just to learn that being human means being imperfect. And that that is beautiful.

Be strong of body, and of mind. I wish that you would keep learning all your life, and that you would be thankful for everything you have and don't have. And if you have questions, that I would always be there to try and discover them with you. I can't teach you things but I can show you what I know and it's up to you to make them your truths or not.

Last, I want to thank you for several things. Thank you for wiping away the stresses of our day with the things you do, among others: suddenly singing a commercial jingle being shown on television, reciting the names of all the action figures you see at the mall, and how there is almost not a single day that I have to pay a 'toy' or 'food' toll on the door when I come home from work.

Thank you for amusing us with your silly questions. Of reminding us that things don't always have to be complicated in order to be enjoyed.

Many returns.

-Your uncle