reminiscence

the moment you stepped into the shop, i knew it was not going to be easy. you sat, smiled, and i had to catch my breath. i must've looked blue for a moment and grinning sheepishly the next when we shook our hands.

in fact, before you came, i have reviewed the scene in my head a hundred times - i'm going to just chill and look uber-cool when i finally see you, but plans don't always work out the way we want them to. you were (and are) more than what i imagined you'd be.

and then you began to speak. it was just one word: hey, and yet it took every piece of me to blurt out something in reply. i'm like a babbling baby learning to talk -- "finally"; three syllables chas, three syllables, get it right. if i heard you right, you said in the most charming voice i've heard -- "yeah, what's up? musta?" or was it a multitude of angels singing hallelujah - i couldn't tell the difference.

was it an hour or two? i was not counting. i just wanted to look at your face and to listen to your voice. they are now two of my most favorite sights and sounds in the known universe.

sheesh.

taking chances

things that make me happy # 8

meeting someone for the first time
expecting nothing
then
finding something in them
worth pursuing.

flashback: like solar cells

The disciple approached his master:
"For years I have been seeking ilumination," he said. "I feel that I am close to achieving it. I need to know what the next step is."
"How do you support yourself ?" the master asked.
"I haven't yet learned how to support myself, my parents help me out. But is only a detail."
"Your next step is to look directly at the sun for half a minute," said the master. And the disciple obeyed.
When the half-minute was over, the master asked him to describe the field that surrounded them. "I can't see it. The sun has affected my vision," the disciple said.
"A man who seeks only the light, while shirking his responsibilities, will never find illumination. And one who keep his eyes fixed upon the sun ends up blind," was the master's comment.

- Paulo Coelho, Maktub collection of short stories

this is really really nice.

now let us, for one second, imagine we're like solar cells just sitting under the sun, unutilized. what a waste eh?

then imagine instead that we're not just wasting away all the sunlight we see and receive; that we're part of one big solar panel receiving light and turning it into useful and clean energy (giving light, warmth...power).

not the best example - but it drives home the idea that it is not enough to just see the light, if i may put it this way: convert it to energy!

and by the way, i'm all for sustainable energy.

a reflection on love

i've read once that we look for love because we want to be forgiven - for how we act, for our flaws, for our shortcomings, for who we are, and i think this is true.

one proof probably is that even with my circle of friends, there are those that i might have connected with because they saw my made-up, picture perfect side. but those which have seen me at my worst and still decided to stick it out are the ones that i consider indispensable.

almost a year ago, i thought i've finally been forgiven and it absolutely inspired me. you know how those who are in love talk about waking up to beautiful days? i had that and more. and then i was left behind. no, i wasn't worth loving.

the day after i realized it was really over, i woke up early and traveled to makati. so early in fact that i arrived at greenbelt when people were just about to go home from partying all night. not knowing what i really want to do, i decided to hear mass. and as if the heavens knew what i needed, the priest's homily struck me like woah. (internal dialogue:
"father, are you kidding me!?") in essence, this is what he said:

"in this world, we yearn for things in our lives, love being one of them. and when we don't get it right away, we start to think that something is wrong with us, with our lives. but what we always forget is that someone fell in love with us before anyone else ever did and ever will. God did, and still is. He still is."

imagine that. if not for the twenty-so strangers hearing mass with me that morning, i would have cried. bawled. that day, the heavens spoke and made me realize, i'm worth all the love in the world.

things that make me happy # 7

singing my out!


current fave: elliott yamin - one word
moderate stress: mika - my interpretation
uber-stressed: justin timberlake - sexyback (with dance moves pa!)