i've read once that we look for love because we want to be forgiven - for how we act, for our flaws, for our shortcomings, for who we are, and i think this is true.
one proof probably is that even with my circle of friends, there are those that i might have connected with because they saw my made-up, picture perfect side. but those which have seen me at my worst and still decided to stick it out are the ones that i consider indispensable.
almost a year ago, i thought i've finally been forgiven and it absolutely inspired me. you know how those who are in love talk about waking up to beautiful days? i had that and more. and then i was left behind. no, i wasn't worth loving.
the day after i realized it was really over, i woke up early and traveled to makati. so early in fact that i arrived at greenbelt when people were just about to go home from partying all night. not knowing what i really want to do, i decided to hear mass. and as if the heavens knew what i needed, the priest's homily struck me like woah. (internal dialogue:
"father, are you kidding me!?") in essence, this is what he said:
"in this world, we yearn for things in our lives, love being one of them. and when we don't get it right away, we start to think that something is wrong with us, with our lives. but what we always forget is that someone fell in love with us before anyone else ever did and ever will. God did, and still is. He still is."
imagine that. if not for the twenty-so strangers hearing mass with me that morning, i would have cried. bawled. that day, the heavens spoke and made me realize, i'm worth all the love in the world.
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