I sing for joy and my remorse.
A well within prosperity's curse.
That drowns the mighty oak of pride but feeds the root of God inside.
In You I find my rest.
In You I find my death.
In You I find my all & my emptiness.
Somehow it all makes sense.
In You I'm rich when I've been made poor.
Comfort found when I mourn.
The prideful one, You see from afar.
Drawing near to low, broken hearts.
In You I find my rest.
In You I find my death.
In You I find my all & my emptiness.
Somehow it all makes sense.
In You
-"In You" by Shane & Shane
You know that barrenness thing they talk so often about? I've been in it for the longest time. People see this (quite) successful and happy shell of a yuppie, but not the hollow inside.
Sometimes, this emptiness feels familiar. But in those times when it doesn't, I try to fill it with all sorts of things: food, talk, movies, coffee, clothes, work, and then some more work, crying, negativity--anything, just so it doesn't feel that hollow.
I put up this fighting face to prove to the world that I'm not to be messed with, because in this world, if you show vulnerability, you'll bite the dust. But really, inside, I'm trembling and begging with all my soul for everything to make sense.
Then, I realized that the barrenness and the weakness I feel, are taps on my shoulder. I've been too independent, and consequently, faithless. My concept of God may not altogether be ideal and perfect, but I once had a great relationship with him until life took over and put me where I am now. In fact, a better term would be yearning. I yearned for God's presence in my life. Somehow the hollow that is bottomless when I tried to fill it with artificial things, is quenched by God.
Everyday's a struggle, but now I know where to draw strength from.
... ... ...
if you like the song, support the album Pages by shane & shane
2 comments:
I am glad to know that you've come up with this introspection, and somehow made a profound realization, and acceptance as well, as to what you are going through now.
No matter how empty and lonely you feel, you are never alone. It's quite amusing/ironic sometimes, that when we reached the bottom pit, that's where we feel the greatest of all.
I'm just really happy you've realized this to yourself... God bless!
Awesome.
You are in my prayers.
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